When I was a kid, I couldn’t wait to get to high school. Something about the idea of lockers and football games seemed like the peak of arrival. Turns out I didn’t go to very many football games.
When I got to high school, I counted down moments until college. Dorm rooms and meal plans sounded so grown up and I couldn’t wait to shop in the bookstore.
I dreamed about my first job, my next job, travels, and marriage, each season quickly turning from promise fulfilled into the waiting ground until the next.
I’ve been in a hurry to arrive as long as I can remember. I don’t have to know exactly where I’m going to be in a hurry to get there.
This month started as an attempt to find truth in this wilderness season. And, if I’m perfectly honest, there was some part of me that thought maybe acknowledging it, maybe writing and declaring and claiming, would propel me out of this season faster. There was a minor breakdown around day 10 when I realized that wasn’t exactly the case and I may have just added another pressure to this journey.
But somewhere along the way I’ve found myself believing the things I’m writing. Somewhere along the way I began to find the beauty of the journey. I don’t know exactly when it happened.
Maybe it was realizing that God becomes the very thing our journey lacks.
Maybe it was so many reminders that we are not alone.
Maybe it was remembering that God sees me.
I’m not saying the longing for the promise is gone and I’m not saying I want to stay in this wilderness ground forever.
But I am saying that I don’t want to get to the fulfillment only to look back and see clearly all the moments I missed. I don’t want to arrive at the object of my longing and not be ready to step into the land. I don’t want to become so focused on the promise that I lose sight of the Promiser.
We’ve been sold a lie that life is about waiting for the land. We see only from mountain to mountain, constantly looking for the next peak to reach. We’ve been taught what to wait for, instead of learning Who we wait on.
And this month has reminded me of the goodness of that One.
I’m not done writing about this wilderness journey. I just might take a little more time to organize my thoughts.
But at the end of this month, I’m more convinced than ever that we will “see his goodness in the land of the living.”
Because I already have.
This is Day 31 of 31 days of truth from the wilderness. Click here to see all blogs in this series.